Key Takeaways
- Financial abuse happens when a partner controls your access to money—like blocking you from bank accounts or making you feel physically or emotionally unsafe talking about finances.
- Healthy relationships around money look and feel safe and open. You should be able to talk about finances comfortably, have access to your own cash, and work together on shared decisions without fear or control.
Recognizing Financial Abuse
It’s well known that money can be super triggering in relationships! Study after study finds that fighting about money is one of our greatest relationship challenges. Arguments about money cause more divorce than even infidelity! When does handling money within our relationships become more dangerous than a repetitive argument?
Financial abuse (which occurs in 99% of domestic violence situations) is present when money is used as a manipulative tool to threaten our ability to maintain our own safety & autonomy. This can look like being blocked from access managing our own finances, denied the ability to have any of our own money without having to request it from our partner, or our financial inability to leave the relationship. Lack of access to money is a leading cause to staying in an abusive relationship.
Common Red Flags of a Financially Abusive Relationship:
You feel physically or emotionally unsafe discussing finances with your partner
You have no access to your own bank account or shared accounts
You find yourself feeling secretive and avoid sharing the “rules” around finances in your relationship to friends or family
You and your partner have repeated arguments where you request and are denied your own separate access to cash
You are given a stipend or allowance in your relationship
Some Healthy Ways to Share Finances
Open communication and regular “Money Meetings” with your mate promote transparency and understanding around the way you both choose to manage your finances–either separately or combining together. Gaining an understanding of your partner’s history with (and current feelings about) money can foster trust, empathy and closeness.
Signs of a Financially Healthy Relationship:
You are comfortable talking about money together, regularly
You are on the same page about how you want to manage your money together
You have strategized managing the spending from joint accounts, and have agreements about what requires a conversation and what doesn’t
You recognize and hold space for where you’re partner is coming from, if they react to spending and managing money a little differently than you do
You have your own access to cash that is just yours
FAQ’s
- Where can I turn for help if myself, or someone I know, is stuck in a dangerous relationship?
joinonelove.org/get-help
800.799.SAFE (7233)
- How does Financial Abuse differ from Financial Infidelity?
Financial infidelity occurs when people in a romantic relationship lie to each other about money. This can include: keeping secret bank accounts or being secretive or dishonest about the cost of purchases. It could look like not sharing passwords to online banking, or not being transparent about all assets and/or debts.
Hot tip: Based on where you live, know the laws regarding combining finances–you may be legally on the hook for more than you realize!
Ready to get organized and intentional with your money? Schedule a free call with me today!
Unlocking Abundance 