Last week we talked about identifying how our outcomes with money come to be—whether good or bad, based on the way we feel and think about our circumstances. Specifically, chain reactions showcased in a well-regarded framework called “The Model” suggest that we experience the following: Circumstance–>Thought–>Feeling–>Behavior–>Outcome.
This is important because we have a direct pathway we can backtrack to if we find ourselves in undesirable situations with our money. Below are a few techniques, in order to catch ourselves at the thought/feeling level, and a basic refresher on what it means to stay “regulated” in the body, around any stressor.
We can so easily “slip out of regulation”, whenever we’re feeling stressed, and that produces all kinds of specific thoughts and feelings. By “regulation”, we mean regulation of our Central Nervous System. This system produces the physiological symptoms that can keep us feeling trapped around making decisions in general, including our finances, which we touched on previously in more detail. Any de-regulation here can take us away, rather than towards, our money goals.
By no means an expert in “Somatics”, or Somatic Practices, (meaning, the way we feel our feels physically in the body) or the central nervous system, it can basically be explained as our nervous system’s are designed to function in normal and healthy ways by switching between states 3 states: Ventral Vagal/Feeling Safe/Calm, Sympathetic/Feeling Protective and Para-Sympathetic/Performing Basic Functions. In a calm and restful nervous system, we can have more control over our thoughts and our feelings.
Depending on our capacity for stress, historical trauma, genes, and all kinds of other causes, we can “slip” into Sympathetic, which could feel like firing off all kinds of uncomfortable alarms in the body, since that one fires up in any perceived danger. It’s in Sympathetic that we can lessen our capability to function, and we might find ourselves in Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn. Each of those presents exactly as it sounds: we might become flooded in the body, and we mind find ourselves either fighting back, running away, freezing in place and/or appeasing the person to no end, until the stressor passes.
These are all helpful and necessary systems in providing a safety mechanism in that moment, but usually unhelpful if they fire off whenever we’re not actually in active danger, just a state of perceived stress around a certain trigger, and from there we develop certain thoughts/feelings.
A Refresher on Mindfulness:
We can use mindfulness, or tuning into the present moment, in order to notice which state we’re currently operating from. The best way to counter-act that unhelpful activation is to find a way stay PRESENT. It’s extremely difficult to freak out about a past event, current situation, or future worry when we’re actively focused on the present moment and how to navigate it calmly.
A Few Tools to Engage Presence:
Body Scans: Feeling activated? Pause, check-in with your body. Feel your feet on the floor, clench and unclench your muscles, bring your shoulders to your ears and then drop them in order to feel the tension lessen.
54321 Grounding: Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things, you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. When you focus on the senses, you can’t help but be present.
Breathwork: Inhale, pause, exhale, or focus on the exhale always being longer that the inhale. The longer exhale immediately and directly contributes to slowing down any symptoms when we’re activated enough to engage other parts of our nervous system.
We can make real strides in feeling good in our bodies when we become very good feeler’s. This builds up by consistent practice. Overtime, we can build our capacities and have the space needed in order to DECIDE which emotion we actually want to feel. Anger? You’re allowed to be angry, sometimes anger is necessary. Scared? Is fear appropriate here, or maybe you just need a moment to pause, use a tool, and feel ok again.
Why This Matters When it Comes to Our Finances:
Money is one of the most taboo, triggering topics that exists. It’s directly tied to our innate feelings of safety and security. Once we’re regulated, we can think clearly and plan ahead for any situation that might set us off.
Self-awareness is always going to come first with any self-management. Make a list, identify your triggers, whether they be people or situations. You may want to set some boundaries in place with certain people, or have a phrase you can utter when you’re dealing with another person that identifies your need for a pause, in order to get back into a calm nervous system. Catching yourself before things go off the rails is key.
In order to feel better we must become better feeler’s. Once we can catch ourselves by identifying what we’re feeling in the body, we can engage the proper tools to deal with it. We can change the thoughts that come up, thus setting off a whole chain reaction all the way to our behaviors and outcomes.
Think about it, what are you tolerating right now that might be causing you to become activated?
Unlocking Abundance 